On to My Next One

After sometimes, comes this time. The current moment; the moment you’ve just watched an amazing film that has left you staring at the cast list and you’re not reading a word but just stuck in your head, moved by the story. The moment when you’ve just made the effort to make the time to sit with an old friend; cocktails, the view and music, and when she leaves for a bathroom break, you look up to the sky, thinking, wow, I missed her lekas? The moment when you decide you just want to break your routine day of errand running, always ending up eating at the same little place you go to whenyou just want to be alone, but instead you go over to your friend’s house where you know her mother & brothers will be too, enjoy a home cooked meal, fresh Ethiopian coffee, legs sprawled on the sofa with a blankie, listening to the funny stories they are sharing amongst themselves, and it hits you, home is where the heart is. That moment.

How about that moment when you have just found yourself a weekend night off from being a mommy and you are right smack in the middle of a dancefloor, rocking it, at least to you, telling yourself, girl I still got moves, YES! That, folks, is my absolute favorite of moments by the way,and as such I make sure to recognize them all the time. Don’t be surprised if we were ever to bump into each at some bar, party, anywhere with music and I’m dancing my heart out. And I pause when I get really hyped up into a good song, and think to myself, yep, my music video, right here girl, yes! That is how silly I am with myself, yes people, yes. My moment.

But anyways, back to moments. You know the moment you are about to hit that panic button of yours, and just like that you realize the situation is actually playing out in your favor? That moment? The moment you were going to go running back to God knows what, all you know is you want to go running back. But in that split moment, you actually catch yourself, reminding yourself of all you have gone through to get to that very moment. Life, is, funny, ya’ll, it is!

Why? Because many times, the most obvious things we are aware of about ourselves, we deliberately deny to accept. All of our achievements and the experiences we have built through time; all completely erased in a moment of panic. Because we love our addiction to our own fears. Yes, people, I said it. Addicted to our fears. You might be asking how can we be addicted to our fears when that’s all we are trying to run away from? Exactly?! Running away from our fears, that’s the addiction right there. Running away from it, thinking its just going to go away. How can this not be an addiction to fear? All we are doing is waiting for it to come around again, like that toothache we know we need to get to the dentist for, but, no….it can wait, we say. Rest assured, that pain does come back doesn’t it? Yep, throbbing, even worse than before.

Who told you your fear is not addicted to you? After all, you are the one showing it all your attention. A little crazy figurative speech there; but when you really think about it, it’s true. We are so addicted to our fears we keep calling it back to us, and what I think is that, what we are really afraid of, is our potential, that’s it. Ms. AWiB, of course this goes to you, because it’s your potential that she fights to unleash. Notice how I used fight, because it is a fight she has with you, to invoke you, to provoke you, to test you and yes to push you over that high hill you have so carefully built for yourself. Isti, fall, isti? Where are you going to fall? Where else but deeper into yourself?

Ms. AWiB is like that coach in the corner, yelling all sorts of harsh motivations to keep you swinging and throwing up those punches to release your fire. Ms. AWiB wants to help you fight you damn fears, she feeds off your triumphs, sh- e lives off your self-realizations and your ultimate transformations. She is also the one that has helped me realize my moments, the moments in my life I have had to pause and cautiously think of my next step, my next move, my next words; and most importantly realize the moments I need to cherish as they are unfolding and be grateful for the blessing of the moment.

Recently reclining back into myself, I found out something else, of course, thanks to AWiB, always just finding things out. I won’t lie, it gets tiring, oooweee, but my God, it feels good too. You know why? Cause I keep finding out what my fears are and through conscious reflections, I find little bits of courage to face them all; one at a time. So when I say addicted to our fears, I mean my own addictions obviously. I have found out that my problems with procrastination are all due to my addiction to making excuses. Addicted to the fear of not failure, but actually to success. That is my fear, my actual potential. Hilarious isn’t it? But, alas, this is the moment I just realized all this, so my AWiBers, on to my next one.