Wherever you go, there you are

At a certain point in our lives, more than once for many, we all had a dream of ‘traveling’ or moving to someplace new and starting over. I too fell prey to those sweet yearnings repeatedly, looking for my great perhaps. I felt like I was not thriving and not getting the things I wanted in life was because of the environment I was in. If only I had an opportunity to show my unique, smart, amazing self. Nobody understood me- I did not show my true self. I let people see the outside shell, the persona I created to blend in. I kept fantasizing about the day I would just pack up and leave this godforsaken place I couldn’t be myself in. All I wanted was a fresh start where I could be the girl of my dreams. My family didn’t know her, my friends didn’t know her, I did not know her… it was almost like underestimating the ease of something until you attempt it and realize its true difficulty. Like doing a presentation, cooking for the first time, or having a conversation with a stranger…it challenges and reveals your true character. The individual I believed myself to be remained concealed as a figment of my imagination, unable to materialize at my command.

It was when I joined the university that I realized my distorted sense of self. I was surprised to find that I brought my thoughts, my insecurities, and my perspective with me. The silver lining is, that once you accept the fact that you can not escape yourself, a new wave of hope arises. You can create the ‘HER’ that you want instead of relying on a new season, a crowded city, or a quiet suburb to heal you. You are capable of healing yourself, you have the freedom to express your authentic self and showcase your personality regardless of anybody’s opinions and expectations of who you are.

‘You can not dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself one.’- James A.Froude  

No truer words have been said, well except other truths. This revelation has changed the trajectory of my life. It wasn’t the external circumstances that hindered my emergence, but rather my limitations.

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