Take the Call

it’s not that I forgot…or even meant to pause
it’s only that I needed
some time to remember ‘feeling’ my cause

I think for me it all started with me making a conscious decision to making the commitment to feeling like I wanted a child. That’s when I began to change. My life began its journey. Mind you, my readers, I said feeling; because everything starts with the feeling first. You must feel a certain way about something so strongly that it impulses you to take that first step towards it. It always begins with the feeling of something not present yet but that your whole being can already sense because it knows it was meant to actually attain that feeling. So what do you do?

you put on your flip flops, if its by the beach you need to be;
get your glasses if what you need is to see
trade your heels for those sneakers if it’s running you gotta go
find that mentor if it’s steam you need to blow

You now know the feeling you would like to have and so you begin your mental transition to thinking about the feeling and believing in that feeling. You find the people with their arms stretched out, helping you walk to the doors that suddenly appear before you.

it was you who showed me to remember my beginnings
it was you who made me aware of my present
it was you who unveiled the truths of my actions
it was you who stirred me away from my descent

Never forget the ones that remind you of the strengths you posses; the ones that stay right by your side leading and guiding you. The ones always present in the background enjoying your shine. This year has, yet again, has been one hell of a ride and a ride that my family and AWiB have so beautifully made intensely life-changing. Both managed to push me to my limits, and when I say push, I mean pushed with blunt force truthfulness of my shortcomings. None made an effort to sugarcoat the obstacles that came hurdling at me from right and left. They simply watched my approach, gave their advice, and let me face my struggles and fears.

So when I felt ready to start my life again, after a year of, what I’d like to call maternal hibernation, I began to push myself. I began to believe in myself again as far as being, other than a mother. My mother opened up an amazing space where I could to practice my art of hosting and tap back into my creative side. My husband supported me through my many ugly moments; moments when I did not have the decency to recognize his constructive criticism. My brothers had to deal with my harshness, of which I abundantly provided towards any comments that came from them. I was a mess.

Well, then again, I’m still a mess. But now I’m a more aware mess than I was when I was just a defensive, reckless mess, because I couldn’t accept the reality of life in general. Lying in bed listening to music, I had a thought, ‘Just what was I called here to do?’ Here, in my reality? What was I called up for? Because when you really think about it, life is always calling you. Calling at the oddest of times, at the most hardest and the sweetest of moments, and at the most challenging of scenarios; that ring is always there.

*ring* *ring* *ring*, “Hello, yes, is this you? Hi, I just called to say I love you”.

The optimist in me, always trying to find a kumbaya moment in everything, would like to believe that that is what you’ll here on the other end of that call. “Hello, I just called to say I love you”, but only, of course, if you decide to take the call. Only when you decide to believe in, and have faith in, the reason and purpose that life has created you for, do you hear that voice on the other end. Your inner voice and being, reminding you of how much it loves you. Patiently waiting for you to surrender to it and witness your true self. Yes, I know I used “it”. From where I stand now, this very moment in my life, I have realized there is an “it” to me, and that “it” is constantly struggling to get my attention. Yet I cleverly manage to dodge many of its calls, because I know if I answer the call, well, then I’ll have to engage.

That is what I have learned this year. That life asks us to engage with it. And it is indeed an engaging task. In my case, well, it’s a beautiful mayhem, a daily dose of a merkato-type of controlled madness. I can feel Nahu reading this and wanting to call me to remind me to take her “Time-Management” workshop, again, for the umfth time. Because, my AWiBers, there is no sanity without the skill to manage your time, and that skill needs to be fine-tuned every now and then; especially if you have started to take life’s calls.

Life’s always calling, in fact the lines are jammed, if you ask me. Doors, opportunities and new adventures of all sorts are waiting to be opened, taken, and experienced. Take the call!