Self-Transformation: Digging Deeper than ever before Sharing my Lessons in Healing
I often share that my commitment is for a positive future of all, through the conscious development of the self and others. Little did I know that, a few years ago, this commitment of mine would be taken to the next level. Little did I know the extent of self-transformation I would go through. And for me, it started through my physical healing.
How my Journey of Healing started
Almost three years ago, I took the decision to heal from my twenty-year old autoimmune disease, through natural means. This has included using an array of healing modalities, including diet, consuming herbal botanicals, and transforming my mindset. (As I share this, I am not advocating for anyone to do the same as I did; I am not a doctor, and I am merely sharing my personal experience.)
I am not hiding that my healing journey has been challenging: indeed, it has been painful and full of breakdowns, including having months of being bed ridden. But all in all, all worth it. I see my journey as being a process, and it hasn’t ended yet. I don’t know how long all of this will take, since full healing can take years, but I am grateful for every experience and moment. I believe that this adventure is transforming me at physical, emotional, and other levels. But in essence, what is transformation?
As a student of leadership, I have learned that transformation is a fundamental shift in the deep orientation of a person, organization or society such that the world is seen in new ways and new actions and results become possible, that were impossible prior to the transformation.
At a personal level, I am learning that transformation can be the powerful unleashing of human potential to commit, care and change for a better life. Transformation occurs when people give up automatic ways of being and commit themselves to a different future. It is based on the recognition that we influence the flow of events and thus create new futures – individually and collectively.
At an individual level, I committed to change my actions and to heal. This required giving up many thoughts and habits that didn’t serve me anymore. It also required freeing myself from certain external influences and expectations that would have made me change course. I was ready for a different future that was safer and more positive for me, unconsciously creating a ripple effect in my family and the work I carry out. Today, in my process of self-transformation, I feel open to looking at my life’s purpose again, and watch it evolve.
How am I experiencing Self-Transformation?
Thanks to the healing journey I am on, I am experiencing a deep shift at three levels, these being:
- At a physical level, detoxing to give space for the regeneration of every cell in my body;
- Witnessing deep emotional releases; and
- A change in how I articulate the direction of my life.
To share, in more detail,
- At a physical level, my intention has been to reduce/ eliminate blockages to the natural healing of the body (obstructions such as acids, chemicals, medications, viruses, mucus, parasites and others). According to Dr. Robert Morse (ND), we need to eliminate what does not serve us, mainly through the kidneys and the lymphatic system, get back to nature, and create an environment for the body to heal itself.As toxins have been leaving my body, I have been experiencing scary healing events that have stopped me from living my everyday life the way I used to. I have seen loved ones, friends and colleagues be very unsettled by what they observed, and could sense the same concern and doubt I sometimes had in myself: will I ever heal? Is this going to work?
On the other hand, I feel that Nature is keeping her promise, as my energy is coming back, the chronic pain is slowly leaving my body, and I have day-to-day evidence of the healing of many of my organs. My faith in wisdom and in the power of Nature have been confirmed, even though they may seem to be a great deviation from allopathic philosophy.
- At an emotional level, I have noticed how, once my body was relieved from dealing with obstructions, it had the energy to dig deeper, and allow for repressed emotions to resurface. Yes, emotions can be described as ‘energy in motion’. We can go back all the way to our childhood and discover that after certain incidents, we don’t acknowledge or elaborate certain strong emotions we may have felt, and these can remain trapped in some parts of our bodies, creating ‘dis-ease’.As I have allowed for the release to happen (thanks to skilful counseling services, and my journaling), I have sometimes been overwhelmed, washed over by such feelings. The pain in my body would increase or decrease at times, and cause obvious discomfort.
Through such sensations, I am learning to be comfortable in my vulnerability, and to make the whole range of emotions – positive or negative, my friends. What has emerged through all this, is the deepening and healing of key relationships in my life, for which I am truly grateful for.
- Regarding the direction my life is going, while I feel rooted in my higher vision, this impactful event in my life has had me see more clearly what I needed to focus on more for the time being, which is on the healing, on serving family, in particular, my son, serving sisters at AWiB through the mentorship programme, and in clearing physical clutter around me that has been weighing me down in my thinking.In endless instances, many other demands and distractions have popped up, and the practice has been to stay centred, and remind myself of my commitments, which still now, are a matter of survival. I often also needed to remember that I was acting beyond what may be the norm in terms of how one is expected to spend the day.
I am thus learning that ‘transformation is often more about unlearning than learning.’ (Richard Rohr), of consciously changing habits for better and healthier ones.
What will come out of all of this?
What is next in this trajectory? For now, I believe, I need to stay put, and wait before I embark on anything new, but I sense that this journey of self-transformation has a higher purpose. Transformation is an individual practice, but can become a social one. To be sustained, it can be embedded in collective actions and norms. I am thankful for the service my life is preparing me for, once again. We are surrounded by complex challenges that require the actions and engagement of us all.
And indeed, it starts with the self. As Lao Tzu once wrote: ‘If you want to awaken all of humanity, then awaken all of yourself. If you want to eliminate the suffering in the world, then eliminate all that is dark and negative in yourself. Truly, the greatest gift you have to give is that of your transformation’.
Through digging deep in my self-transformation, as I am learning new ways of acting and being, I am grateful for the sustenance and support of so many, during this time: my husband and whole family, counselors, healers, friends, colleagues and AWiB community. Let the journey continue!
*Acknowledging the UNDP Ethiopia Leadership Development Programme, and Generating Transformative Change (GTC) that provided me with many leadership distinctions I use today.