And Sometimes…

Sometimes when we refuse to stop the running we continuously do for this marathon of a life some of us find ourselves in, the universe intervenes in different ways. Sometimes it’s a traumatic event that stills us and reminds us to slow down. Sometimes it’s the birth of a child that allows for us to settle into a nurturing mode, which requires patience and love. Sometimes it’s the offering of a new career opportunity, and sometimes even the end of one. I’d like to believe the universe is funny and somewhat morbid too at times, becomes sometimes it’s simply a movie or a song that pokes us, and sometimes it just might be the death of a loved one that truly wakes us up. Either way the universe will intervene when it recognizes you are no longer recognizing it.

Life is hard, yes, we all know that. Life has its ups and downs, yes we all know that too. Life sometimes may seem to be an endless cycle of examination after examination, where we are forced to make decision after decision and, well, forced to deal with the consequences of them. After college, the partying ends, per say. In my case, I must have thought that everything would be easy and simple. What, with a little discipline and routine, nothing can go wrong. Ha! But oh no, the universe had to get its laugh. It had to make sure I became aware of the reality of what it means to be “living”. It’s funny to think back to when I really believed after college, it would be just work and getting paid and then spending your money. Alas the young, naïve and innocent mind, well maybe not so innocent, but you know what I mean right?

And this I mean for the very comfortable lifestyle I was so blessed to be provided by my parentsgrowing up.And not to disrespect the obvious different scenarios and much harder circumstances many may have had to face growing up. Coming to my point in the end though, growing up with everything being provided to you can create a lack of a clear understanding of just how hard life actually is when you step into it as an adult. I place no blame on my parents or upbringing because they have made me the amazing person I am today. But I cannot deny that I was a little unwise stepping into the world. I still feel a little unprepared at times, even now, as a wife, as a mother, as a businesswoman. I find myself still searching for encouragement from my parents, wanting a reassuring hug now and then for things well done; like a child really. And now as I further reflect on, I have come to realize a characteristic about myself that I am not happy with; my debilitating complaining attitude that I have just recently acquired.

I have always been a very positive person, and I have always had a pleasant disposition about myself in general. But after starting a thisfamily restaurant business, I started to change in ways that not only affected me, mentally, spiritually and physically as well, but in ways that also directly affected all my closest of relationships. It literarily feels like an invisible force that is slowly manifesting inside of me, feeding off my weaknesses, my fears and I’d like to think maybe even my pride. Pride? You ask. Well, when you think about it, the act of complaining is to be dissatisfied or annoyed by external matters, right? Hmmm?

So I have been kind enough to myself to let my basic complaints of external business-related issues that I cannot control, slide by. AWiB, especially with its mentorship program, has allowed me to recognize what I can and should vent about in a support circle and what I should consider reflecting more on, for personal growth. But what AWiB also made sure to instill in me is the process of realistically self-evaluating yourself. So when we come to the pride part of my inquiry, there it stands in plain sight. We all have a certain amount of pride we each carry inside that makes or breaks us. Complaining can be easily masked by external factors but rarely do we first consider looking inwards ourselves to understand if the complaining is a personal issue instead.

I am now comfortable with admitting that my complaining has evolved from stemming from external matters to a more deep-rooted issue. The issue being my incapability of handling life’s hurdles in a mature adult-like fashion, and the pride I carry, assuming I must be perfect and all my actions must result in perfection. I refuse to give myself any credit for any work well done and by doing so I continuously tip my balance scale, staying stuck on my shortcomings and failures instead. Alas, staying stuck in my ugly complaining mode. But as I started in the beginning, sometimes the universe must and will intervene for you to wake up. For me, I think my ‘sometimes’, this time around, is my meeting a new friend.

I recently met an amazing young woman, a vibrant, energetic, positive, and full-of-life human being that I have ever been blessed to have encountered in my life so far. She taught me a lot about the reality of the importance of every moment in our lives, every miracle we let pass by without acknowledgment. She showed me the silliness in worrying about all the small and insignificant things we let affect us in our daily grind. She taught me about humility and perseverance. She taught me about self-confidence on a whole other level. She literarily opened my eyes to another perspective of what “living” should be.

My friend is 30 years old and is currently living with a rare form of progressive liver cancer. And sometimes the universe will do this too.

Why? If only we had those answers…