The rest will follow…
Recently my younger brother,Hirouy, moved back to Ethiopia to begin his new chapter after college and life in the States. With a fresh outlook and a hopeful mindset of his future, his presence instilled in me a feeling of reflection. Having him around after missing him for so long, while he was away, brought a certain calm in me that I hadn’t felt in a while; a calming feeling of hope, of peace and of joy for the new year.
With everything changing around me after having a baby, I found myself overwhelmed with my new responsibilities and my new reality. First of all, managing the post pregnancy hormones wasn’t a factor I could have possibly prepared for, for as you know, to each our own, every woman is unique to her body’s nature. Secondly, I had not anticipated the very real discipline that was required when a mother chooses to exclusively breastfeed her child. And thirdly, I could have never imagined, just how far, how deep and how intense the love of a parent could reach in the concerns and care of a child. There was no way of preparing for the rush of the feelings and emotions that I would be immersed in. And no possible way of knowing, absolutely anything about everything that was about to change in my life. And so goes another episode in my life, always a synergy of trials, comedy and miracles.
Enjoying the sunset on my mom’s apartment porch, my brother and me were in deep conversation about regrets, missed opportunities and self-awareness. We talked of our adventures in the U.S., the friends we had made, the jobs we had worked, the homesickness we endured and a whole list of other in-betweens. Me at 33, and him at 23, came to the realization that we were both on a soul-searching path; individually perplexed in each of our current situations. It got me thinking of how age is never really the issue or a factor when we talk about self-actualization, because everyone reaches their wake-up/turning point differently.
I was only about three years older than my brother was when I made the move back home to Ethiopia. With only my suitcase and the peace of mind I had about being back home, I came here with my mind open to retain whatever the universe had planned for me. I knew that if I could only allow myself to experience whatever Ethiopia had in store for me, I would survive. That was my primary goal at the time, to survive. Not in the sense of surviving for life’s basic necessities, such as food and shelter, because I was blessed to come home to a entrepreneurial mother, and older brothers waiting with open arms to take me in and show me the ropes. But what I mean is, surviving me, surviving getting to know my true self and figuring out my true talent and potential.
I was consumed with the belief that I should have been in a certain position, with certain sets of achievements by that time and yet I found myself still searching. Of the many things that AWiB helped me realize is just that, life is a process, self-awareness is a process, confidence and self-esteem is a process. A process that you must be willing to go through, accepting and facing all the ups and downs imaginable that life throws at you. I understood one thing subconsciously that my little brother simply put as “the rest will follow”. You cannot waste your time worrying about what could have been and anticipating what could be, because all you really have is the present moment. Do what you must do now, today, with whatever it is you have. It’s all about that first step. Ayzon, find your courage, remember your will, your target, take that first step and the rest will follow!