I thought I was very sure of myself, very certain that I had walked the necessary paths to growth, found the right signs to enlightenment, sought out the right advices from my role models, and fought the right battles I had to overcome, but alas, boy was I wrong! I was nowhere near finding myself, on the path, yes, but nowhere near my transformed-me. The excitement of my internal change was so intense that it clouded my realistic judgment of my actual change. With everything about my life changing, career, relationships, and of course age, I was convinced that I was transformed, especially because I knew I was in a constant state of discomfort. But what was really happening, and is happening, is that I was, and still am, in the state of transforming. And that, people, is, unfortunately, not at all fun, pleasant, or close to being easy, but oh so rewarding!
I read somewhere that self-transformation was like the caterpillar becoming a butterfly analogy. In my case, I just barely realized I am the caterpillar and trying so hard to be my butterfly self; only I got caught in the mental chaos of my inner thoughts and turmoil that I led myself to believe I was already the butterfly since I was having all these I’m-changing feelings. I had to laugh at myself when I made the realization of my illusion, because being angry would only take me backwards after all the strides I had already made. Thinking I could just spread my wings and fly, I was so high on the adrenaline of my new found feelings that I almost lost touch of the reality. What reality, you ask? The reality of the process, ladies and gentlemen; oh the process!
Mine went, and is of course still going, a little like this:
To begin with, you must accept who you are just the way you are right now. Not what you were like yesterday, not what you would like to be tomorrow, but just exactly as you find yourself today. As a matter of fact, pat yourself on your back for everything you have become so far, no achievement is to be considered little. And don’t let your mind wonder into the realm of “oh but I still didn’t do this, and I still haven’t achieved that” and so on.
Know what areas in your life you would like to better yourself. Make an effort to recognize your weaknesses but don’t forget your strengths meanwhile! Don’t think about it as changing yourself per say by denouncing how you are now, no, just think of how you’d like to be better. Because you are great now, and don’t you forget that, but if you want, you can be even greater!
Create the environment for your transformation. Even the caterpillar is smart enough to seclude itself within its cocoon. Maybe you just need to set a new daily schedule that has a lot of time for you. Yes, you heard me correctly, some quality you-time. Conversations with yourself go a long way in structuring yourself for the new you.
Let go of everything! I mean everything from your personal demons like your constant self-critiquing, all those negative people in your life that you can do without, to all those bad habits you know you need to quit (and yes, that might include all that TV watching – just blowing my own horn here).
Practice what you preach, as they say. Stay disciplined and follow through your commitment to transform yourself; you’ve got your personal formula – just go ahead and use it. No one’s way can also be yours, yours is yours truly to cherish, amend, adjust, readjust, delete, recreate, and dream as you see fit. And believe me you, you might just have to fumble quite a couple of times but look at it this way, the more bruises you form, the more colors you just might add to your wings. Watch yourself become the butterfly you were always meant to be. Become you!
Accepting myself as I am was quite a ride, and not the most enjoyable ride, I might add. But it feels good to check yourself, now and then to see where you stand as far as your weakness and strengths go. I was, and I believe I still am, quite determined yet lost, and of course motivated yet confused; but beautifully so, just saying. I make sure I don’t hold it against myself for still being in this transformative state. I’m enjoying suddenly being me! And so in the spirit of “transformation” and AWiB’s effort to help us find our inner voice, our way, our strength, our self-commitment, our courage, our confidence, and our peace of mind, I ask that you look within yourself and accept, recognize, create, shed and become suddenly you!