“If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t there more happy people in the world?”
Writing this proved much harder than I had anticipated. I struggled with what I wanted to share with my readers. My insides were conflicted with what could be taken as inconsiderate, what some might take as insensitive and plain ignorant. The quote struck me. Had I really assumed this whole time that I was better off not knowing? I have been afraid to face my own truths and my own convictions and where I stand. But then I found myself disappointed in my own cowardness and lack of self-assurance. That I could even entertain the idea of not owning up to what I believed in saddened me. I can’t disappoint myself that way. Not after all the work I have done to work on my weaknesses and shortcomings. Not after the self-transformation journey I chose to take when I first joined AWiB. Not after finding the acceptance within myself for allowing myself to choose not to know then what I knew I was just hiding from…All because I was scared to face the truth.
Writing this I could feel myself tremble from within; I saw the goosebumps. And I actually stopped. I paused. It was then that I understood if there ever was a sign, this was it. The fear was my sign. It is time to face the monster I have allowed to sleep under my bed this whole time. It is time for me to face the truth. I know there might be backlash from my opinions and of my lack of in-depth understanding of the matter but, I have to try to understand it for what it is—for me. I have kept running from it and I have no intention on pursuing it whatsoever but, it is what it is: the current political situation here in Ethiopia.
Everything that is happening to my beautiful Ethiopia. All the pain, all the blood being shed, all the disunity. All the ugliness of the realities of what war does to humanity. It’s too much to just disregard and push to the side, all the while acting as though everything is ok, when it just isn’t. I want so bad to focus on the good, and even if I continue to do so, I would be a fool to dismiss the reality of the bad as well. It’s all in finding the balance, it’s said, right? At least that’s what I’m striving for and so I thought to myself, I have to find the balance in this too. For my sanity, for my peace of mind, and for the strength to accept what I can’t understand and what I may not be able to change. And, more importantly to me, for the courage to be able to have forgiveness within…when anger and vengeance may at the time seem much easier a way to deal with it all.
I know now that I have been subconsciously deflecting from the truth, choosing to hide from it. I am known for being uninformed on the matter and even joked about my obliviousness. I realize now that that was not only wrong, but insensitive and immature. I realized it only made me a hypocrite to choose to stay quiet and to refuse to understand the situation. My intention at the end of the day is to simply understand how to cope with it all and hope to find a way that as just one individual I can bring any kind of change, if I can, even if in a small way. I have to allow myself to feel however way I feel about the whole situation however it may be portrayed by others. With everything in life, attaining the truth and understanding of any matter brings with it the responsibility and accountability required of handling it accordingly. Hiding is no longer an option. I cannot wallow in my refusal to understand because of fear. So, this is goodbye to my ignorant bliss.
Image source: https://tudelft.openresearch.net/page/13436/ignorance-is-bliss-or-catastrophical