Go ahead, forgive you!

At least once in our lifetimes, we’ve all been hurt by someone we love, and we have all hurt someone we love, whether we meant to do so or not. We have all gone through heartbreak, disappointment, and resentment. We’ve also gone through being in love, excitement, and joy in our lives, hopefully more than once in our lifetimes. It’s all a part of life throwing its many lessons our way for the sole purpose of our growth. Interactions and conflicts are both constant and necessary for the human species. We were created to connect and to bounce off of one another. Connections may always be pleasant and conflicts always stressful, it is nonetheless the way we coexist in this life. The question is then, how do we manage our relations? Hint: it’s all within ourselves!

Gradually understanding myself on a more spiritual level, I came to understand one truth; I am no more special than my fellow brothers or sisters in this world. We are all born pure individuals at birth and we are all innocent as infants and children until we begin to be affected by societal influence and the unfortunate realities of the world we live in today. My ego led me to believe that I couldn’t possibly do any wrong, not with the kindness, respect and love for others that I believed I possessed. But unfortunately I was slapped with the truth – I can very well hurt someone I love as much, if not worse, than they can hurt me. This is the painful truth of awakening – you get up close and personal with your “ugly”, and don’t try to deny it  – we’ve all got our “ugly-ies”.

Young, naive, wild and easily influenced as I was, it took a while to simmer down, and take a moment to change perspective. Being responsible for my actions as much as the next person involved with me, was the first step. It’s easier to put the blame on others and get away without paying your proper dues. It’s harder if you fail, or refuse, to see your wrong doing in general; that’s usually when that ego of ours plays tricks on us. It can lead us to believe we are always in the right, when we just might not be. And my point; its ok not to be right. What is not ok, though, is to purposely do wrong and believe its right. It’s ok to be wrong as long as we are willing to acknowledge it and take actions to rectify our mistakes. Because remember, we are all human after all and we will make mistakes.

I had to learn the hard way that when you go through an emotionally trying situation and choose not to deal with the actual feelings at that moment and continue on in denial, it will surface up eventually, and usually if not always, at the most inappropriate, unrelated moment. Thanks to AWiB, I took the Emotional Code introduction roundtable discussion and left that room internally turmoiled with the truth of myself. I knew I had a lot of work to do on myself, apparently. And trust me, people, I still have a lot of work left to go. And I’m at peace with the knowledge that I might have to work on myself for the rest of my life, for the sake of my relations.

Our “ugly” is just another side of us, a part of us, our nemesis, if you will. I now believe it is necessary because we have to be balanced individuals, taking in the good and the bad about ourselves, in order to do the same to the others in our lives. We will do wrong from time to time due to the ways of the world and the various situations we come in contact with, but we must strive to correct our ways as we go along and try not to repeat it. I use the word ‘try’ because it really is all you are expected to do, believe me, the more you try the more you will learn and change. 

So as I conclude, I leave you with this. I recently opened myself to the true essence of me, myself and I, and realized the many mistakes I had made, at least the ones I remember, without recognizing them. As hard as it was for my ego to admit them all to myself, it was nonetheless a process I had to go through to become a better person. It’s a process I had to undertake to understand how to relate to others and how to be in the vulnerable position and apologize for my wrong doings.  But the hardest part was the forgiving of myself. Asking for forgiveness from someone is one thing, accepting forgiveness for yourself, is a whole other story and so I end my piece with an apology I’m sending into the universe. I’m sorry to all those I’ve wronged, knowingly and unaware. But most of all I’m sorry to myself; I forgive me. I promise to be more perceptive of my emotions and learn to control them as best as I can. So then, I ask that you go ahead and forgive you!