Bring it on!

You know that sinking feeling in your gut when you are in transition from one phase of your life to the next, fearing the unknown, worrying of what’s to come, and the concern of your achievement? It’s a perplexing part of life that we cannot run away from, at least not when we are striving for the betterment of ourselves. We can choose to stay still and within our comfort zone, but then again what is the purpose of living then? If we do not push ourselves to advance in whatever areas of our lives, well, we just do not grow.

Change, as they say, is inevitable and a must. But why must it be so hard? I used to complain. To be honest, I wanted the easy way out of any situation and any transition, and of course I secretly still do. But lately I’ve noticed the more I try to escape my fears, the more they just keep popping up. As I attack one fear after another in my transitions, I keep being thrown more. Why, when I decided to change for the better, would there be so many obstacles?

Deciding to take the next step in my life, in my career, has been the most challenging for me. I loved my comfort zone. I was a happy zombie of an employee, good at any job and revered by all my bosses. I liked my 9-5 jobs and the stress less state of mind of not having to be responsible for anything else but what was required of me at any given job. I was on personal lock-down in my comfort zone. 

But as is life and its ways, along came AWiB and thought me of the importance of discomfort. Nahusenay, tough in her demeanor and firm with her message of self-empowerment, gave us all the harsh truth. We would not succeed in improving ourselves without first recognizing our discomfort. Low and behold, it showed itself to me. One regular day, on the way to work my whole being just wasn’t right, I couldn’t tell just what I was feeling but I was all sorts of emotional. I thought well maybe it’s that time of the month, nah that wasn’t it. Then I thought, it’s just me being anxious, loathing my required humdrum responsibilities for the day. Nope, it wasn’t anxiety either. The day went by as it did, and I didn’t remember a thing I had actually done. And then it hit me at the end of the day logging out my computer; I was in discomfort. I knew I no longer was ‘comfortable’ in my comfort zone.

The money was great and the ease of the job was even greater. But I had had enough of ease, literarily. I just knew I had to change something and regardless of how I would make money, I had to try a different venture, I had to search for what truly made me happy to do. I had to find my passion or forever live in regret I never tried. So I took the first step, resigned and immediately began a paid internship at a new job. A job that required me to tap back into being creative. The feeling of starting fresh and on to new things was indescribable. I was excited, but most of all I was ready.

What I had failed to realize is that I would actually find my passion, and what comes when one finds their passion? Good old fear itself; the fear of making the commitment of change, without a clue of whether or not this commitment will birth success or become a failure. Once I found my passion, the challenges of changing my routine, disciplining myself, rearranging my life, and shifting my mind set from employee to self driven came along with it. One challenge after another sure enough presented itself at every turn. Now I was finally living, but I had to change my perspective of these fears and challenges. First, I had to admit to myself that all I was doing was complaining each time I encountered a speed bump because I just didn’t want to do the work I must. And so I carried on, taking on the challenges, fighting anxiety and remaining focused.

Finding one passion, accepting its challenges, led to discovering old passions as well. AWiB provided my stepping stool, and I took that first scary step to change. Now I even blog, exercising my childhood passion of writing. Accepting the challenge of not only improving my writing skills, but also allowing myself to be vulnerable enough to share my thoughts on such a platform in hopes of maybe having someone relate to my experiences. What more can one ask for? So now I anticipate each challenge with open arms. As each day becomes anew, I look up to the sky and tell the universe, “Whatever’s on the menu today, bring it on!”

Marthe Nzokou Giday
April 2016