Image source: Art by Michael Orwick

Let me start by congratulating AWiB on its fifteenth anniversary—fifteen years of persistent authenticity and irrefutable inspiration. In a world where innovation and female ambition are often undervalued, organizations like AWiB remind us to stand tall and move with courage and purpose regardless of societal expectations or negativity.

It is crucial for us, as women, to have spaces where we feel heard and understood- a place surrounded by like-minded individuals who stand for the same cause- mental, emotional, and financial growth. For many of us, it is a haven, a space where we can engage in seemingly trivial conversations that, in reality, push us toward self-improvement. Psychologically, surrounding ourselves with accomplished, confident, and driven individuals inspires us to grow and be better versions of ourselves. That’s exactly what AWiB is for me.

Like AWiB, I recently celebrated a milestone- my birthday. And let me tell you, I feel like a new person already. Not in a dramatic, movie-like way, but in the sense that thoughts I’d never considered before suddenly started creeping in. Whispering…’The Female Panic’

Nell Frizzel, author of ‘The Panic Years’, defines the phenomenon as the intense anxiety, internal conflict, or existential crisis that many women experience while juggling societal expectations, personal ambitions, and biological realities.

I used to laugh at my older sister when she panicked over her so-called ‘biological realities’ before getting married. It felt like such a distant worry- something I couldn’t fathom at all. But now? It’s not funny anymore.

At 26, I have no plans to get married or have children anytime soon. So why is this suddenly at the forefront of my mind? Why now, when it never was before? I had to analyze.

The ‘biological clock’ narrative is designed to stress us out, making us feel like we’re running out of time. It is nothing new; we’ve been told over and over by everyone around us and their mothers. We have internalized it, whether we like it or not. Subconsciously, have we been conditioned to look forward to marriage and children?  Or is it the fear of running out of options as we get older that drives us to reconsider? I don’t know about you, but I refuse to end up in a marriage that feels like an obligation or to raise children I never really wanted, just to fulfill an expectation that was never mine to begin with. And let’s not even get into the trauma I’d pass down to my children.

As I get older, I am becoming more aware of the changes in my body. Am I gaining weight? Do I look bloated? My hormones are all over the place. Oh great, I’m in my lutheal phase- cue the extra depression. My skin requires more care than it used to. And  Damn, i miss my adolescence, and how my breast sat perfectly and how effortlessly flat my stomach was. Is that Shallow? Maybe. But it’s honest. Even as I deal with body image, I have learned to accept and love my adult body just as much, if not more.

Social media only exacerbates the female panic, fueling emotional and social paralysis. Men don’t seem to experience this the same way. I once had a friend say that as women age, we lose desirability, attractiveness, and youth- while men, on the other hand, gain a secondary glow-up, increased social status, and career growth. And I, my friends, was left speechless to debate.

It is a belief system like this that influences the decision-making of the female population. It is the ‘dependent factor’ of the century, minimizing us to the male gaze and the ‘nurturer ’ department. but that’s for another day.

The pressure to make the perfect choice creates decision fatigue and regret anxiety. Especially for women, it changes the trajectory of our lives. It is all, in my opinion, a life and death situation- but no pressure, right?

 So what’s worse: never making a decision at all, or making one and living with a lifetime of regret?

Here’s my silver lining: panic is not necessarily a bad thing. It means we’re questioning, evolving, and refusing to settle for a path that doesn’t align with who we truly are. The real win isn’t in making the ‘right’ decision but in owning whatever choice we make, unapologetically- like AWiB says:

“You are a beautiful creation. Perfectly imperfect. A work in progress.

You have everything you need to fulfill your purpose.

don’t dilute yourself for any person or any reason.

You are enough. Be unapologetically you!”

– AWiB

Written by: Ruth Mekasha

Share to your circles!