A very specific personal and emotional trigger was the spark I needed to unleash my voice in my writing once again. That trigger, I will explain it in a blog of its own, was the most surprisingly simple way back to me blogging again.

First, let me respectfully re-introduce myself once again to this AWiB platform, to my AWiB tribe, to my AWiB readers from before and to all the new AWiBers I hope to reach to and connect with. My name is Marthe Nzokou Giday and it has been about four years since I blogged for AWiB. AWiB was the first platform that allowed me to entertain my writing and in the five years I blogged for AWiB, I found my voice through my words. In each and every one of my blogs, I found a deeper confidence within myself, I fearlessly challenged myself in the search of my authenticity, I opened myself up to connecting with so many individuals, I continued to perfect my writing skills, and to be very honest, above all, I understood what freedom really meant, in the ‘expression of self’. So, thank you AWiB.

Ishi, now lets get to it, shall we? For whatever reason this may be, I just remember life and certain situations at the time blindsiding me. I remember noticing myself slowly losing the love and the free flowing way of I how I used to write. I understood I was no longer excited as I was once was before. I couldn’t find enough inspiration and excitement to any longer put my vulnerability into words. I thought it would be some sort of a passing phase, but, nope, I found myself more and more distancing myself from my keyboard, even from my favorite chair to sit as I wrote. And years went by without being able to write.

Openly sharing my vulnerabilities and the challenges I faced and overcame with always a comedic approach was how I found my first step into writing. I enjoyed the ease at which I would be so quickly eager to share any given experience I had with the AWiB public, as if I was venting. And this writing style of mine turned out to be one enjoyed by my AWiB readers. And for that time, this commitment made me proud.

And then I stopped, and couldn’t write anymore. I found myself not drawn to my writing anymore.

I had no idea the universe was just beginning to mold me further into my authenticity. Silencing me towards a deeper understanding of myself. And if you know Ms. Universe, well then you know she will literarily make you work, through blood, sweat and tears, in the pursuit of the journey to your true self. And only when She understands you are ready to listen to yourself. Once you are ready to accept the reality of truly consenting to the pursuit of yourself; the not-so-easy inner work begins. The floodgates of the very real and, yes also painful lessons, that you need to face will then begin to come at you, from left and right, in almost every given scenario of your once peaceful-comfort-zone state of being. The process is no simple ride, none that can be sugar coated and easily maneuvered around. And also, one that can only be processed alone.

A very hard face-to-face sitting and mirror work of yourself. The contemplation and acknowledgment of who you really think you are; all the while holding on to the faith of who know you can be and want to be.

I always go back to a favorite quote/saying, “when you plan; God laughs”. In life, so many situations occur that make you have to force your inner discomfort, confusion, and turmoil and the way back to a sense of peace and stability does not always come with planning, and over strategizing in details. We forget we have no control of what may occur in life. We only have control over how we choose to react to what comes towards us. I found out in my writing block that it was surprisingly simply of a solution once I understood to just let go. I had to let go of my struggle to understand why I was stuck.

Life happened. Kids grew up. Friends passed away. Career paths changed. And yes, gray hairs appeared. Lower back pain worsened. Just life; it continued. Maturity and wisdom came knocking with each experience. Distractions lessened. And self-reflection birthed a different type of confidence. And a new type of courage to face the next phase of life presented itself.

Ah though, now four silently hibernating years later, I’m kindly allowing myself to freely find the new voice I believe I now have. I know that the bravery I have with sharing my vulnerabilities and my funny unique touch in the way I presented myself before, will and can not change. But I strongly feel that this time around, I am going to challenge myself to create my blogs around uncomfortable questions, topics, ideas, concepts by interacting with my readers. What do I mean by this?

Writing block is one thing, but the four-year blockage, is something I have had to work with myself to understand the reason for. And here I am now, in full awareness of what I understand to have been one my struggles to write again. It was in the need for feedback and reaction from my readers. I understood that my writing began with simply needing to vent but progressed towards wanting to understand the impact, if any, it had on my readers.

Yes, AWiB allowed me to write in my own voice, and to freely express my thoughts and feelings and to shine in my vulnerability. But now looking back at my writings, in miraculous ways I have grown and matured in my understanding of my experiences of life. This time around, I want to challenge myself to write with even more depth of the courage and bravery I already have in acknowledging my shortcomings and weaknesses. Those of which I truly want to address in this next chapter of becoming a better version of my beautiful self. I want to uncover even more uncomfortable aspects of myself and face them, but not by myself this time. My writing this time cannot be one-sided. I challenge not just myself this time, as I blog again for AWiB, but I challenge my AWiB tribe as well. Yes you, my readers.

I feel like I was writing in a safe manner before. As if I was always very conscious of not offending any of my readers and careful to not create any sort of judgmental notions within any of my readers about my opinions and the topics I chose to write about.

Well, here I am, ignited now, with a very new type of confidence in how I have decided I will write from this point forth. I now want to write with some sort of connection and understanding of and with my readers.

I ask you to reach out to me and voice your feedback and connect with me. Let me blog with you, don’t let me do this alone. Share your thoughts, give me your ideas of what should be written about. What aspects of our collective “feminine” strive should we address? What would you want to read about? What conversations should we spark amongst ourselves in our individual but very connected journey of the search for our true selves? What should we laugh about as we dismantle our ideas together?

I have decided to hold myself accountable to bring myself to write and put forth reading material worthy of you, and to always find a comedic approach to my sharing. So I humbly ask this from you my AWiB readers; send any given topic; thought; idea to 0927818280 where you can reach me directly. Help me spark myself back to this beautiful gift of writing that AWiB brought out of me. Let’s use AWiB and allow me to confront our many hidden uncomfortable topics, with humor through my writing.

It’s surprisingly simple, to reach out and to connect.

Love, light and lots laughs to you.

Marti.

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