‘Be impeccable with your words.’  – The four agreements

                                                                                       Painting by Leah Larisa Bunshaft

In a community where a woman’s character is often judged by how obedient and docile she appears, having an opinionated stand is a privilege not many can afford or dare. For generations, the majority of the female population has been given a specific script to live by; a responsibility to uphold while also maintaining the facade of a ‘kept woman.’ It is well known that girls develop emotional maturity at an early age, and are encouraged to be more emotionally expressive and attuned to their feelings.

On a positive note, we can form deeper, more meaningful relationships. Albeit, it has its apparent downsides: having to be the ‘emotional caretakers’ in relationships and families; and having the burden of managing and ‘understanding’ other people’s actions leading them to experience manipulation and abuse from their loved ones; especially their loved ones.

As social creatures, We are doomed to seek outside validation and acceptance. Therefore, we subconsciously (and consciously) blend in, aligning our thoughts and ideas with the society we belong to. After all, nobody likes being an outcast. So, what happens when the society we live in does not acknowledge or bat an eye when ‘little acts of violence’ take place daily on women? Is it little if every girl I have ever known has her own story to tell about how she has felt frightened? Is it little if a little girl is unsafe in her own home? Is it little if a woman, in a crowded space, feels insecure walking by a group of men? The list goes on.

We are encapsulated and marginalized by the dominant male population in many spheres of society. Knowingly or unknowingly, men frequently drown out women’s voices, leaving us feeling unheard and overlooked. Rather than passively waiting for our turn to speak (which may never come), we must be proactive and assertive to ensure our perspectives are valued. It is easier said than done you may say, however, It has simply become impossible to coexist silently, playing our inner monologue in our own little world believing that the state of our community will magically change on its own. Nothing changes if nothing changes. We have to be as impeccable and loud as possible with our words.

How loudly should we live? How much space ought we occupy?

‘I occupy space’ is a mantra I have come to adopt throughout the years. I say that to myself because I sometimes forget I have a voice, an opinion, a way of thinking only I bring to the table. Wouldn’t it be unfortunate if I did not say what I mean, or express my prerogative? It is a simple, yet effective mantra. As a woman, I have learned that having an ‘audacity’ is a way to go in life. Embrace your inner audacity to be, to do, to make.

Despite the many soul-crushing realities we experience, there is still hope. There are positive outcomes that ought to come from consistently standing up for what we believe in. We are relatively in transcending times to be alive. We have not come this far to give up. Don’t be a good girl, change the narrative, change the adjective; be a selfish girl, an opinionated girl, the girl who can say NO, this is the life.

Written by: Ruth Mekasha

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